Someone just said something very very strange to me, kinda unbelievable in a sense and its making my head spin in circles. Its neither positive nor negative, just strange i guess.

CNY has been a normal affair, what with visiting and all. Gambling was never my strong suit, so it should come as no surprise that I lost $34 bucks this year over 2 days. Every single time I set a limit, if I have lost til that certain limit, I stop playing. Thats also why I consider $34 a reasonable loss, although a bit heartpain still...

Buttered on Friday night, which was utterly liberating for me. Didnt get piss-drunk, but drank a substantial amount to get myself in the zone. Interestingly, bumped into my CEO Peggy and Aden at the Jap restaurant outside. And also, saw Onn Shaun, Samuel and gang inside.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was happy about something..

Finally got to see Ally just now when Aden and Peggy brought her over to Mrs Ong's place! She still loves lickin my face, which I absolutely adore and not detest. Animals are so innocent that when they are hurt or abused, it breaks my heart...


I'm going crazy just thinking about whether there's anything going on at home, while I am trying my best to occupy my restless mind. It's Sunday tomorrow, which makes things even worse since I probably wont be heading out at all. Should start reading everyday again, wonder why I even stopped in the first place.

Many times I am tempted to call or check, but i tell myself not to stoop so low to that level where I will just end up like everyone else. Stepping over the line. Manipulative. I believe that I am better than that. Although the wondering kills me, at least I do not put myself in a position for you to fault my actions so the actions should not be carried out in the first place. I tell myself every single day that I am better than that. I am not manipulative.


At night, I sometimes wish you were here beside me...



And I wonder if I
Ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now
Said I wouldn't call
But I've lost all control
And I need you now

And I don't know how
I can do without
I just need you now